Friday, November 28, 2008


I am single. I've been single for 29 years, for crying out loud! I have wanted to get married for about 22 of those years... You'd think that I'd be able to understand a little bit of the opposite sex. Learn to read them and not freak out like I am. I'm almost 30 and yet boys get me all flustered.

I have never been so frustrated with one boy as I am now. Let's call him Fred....
I've know Fred for a little over a month now. I met him on his first Sunday in our ward while we were taking pictures for the ward directory, a few months ago. He was cute, but he didn't stand out from any of the other guys, so I forgot about him quickly. I remembered his name because I was the one making the ward directory, so I was looking at everyone's info over and over again.
So a month or so later he gave a talk in church and I noticed. It was a dang good talk. So I started watching him. (Creepy, I know.) So when I was having my birthday party, I invited him. We got to talking and found out he lives right behind us. Literally, our back yard. is 10 feet from his backyard cause we live in these town homes that are back to back. So he came to my birthday party on the 26th of October and I have had some sort of contact with him everyday since.
The thing that bothers me is that he talks about other girls around me. I have never gotten this jealous. I love being around him, but I don't want to be around him because I know he's not interested. He's becoming one of my best friends and yet he drives me nuts. I'm 4 years older than him, but oddly, I'm okay with that. He will say things that totally throw me off that make me notice him even more. I love so many things about him. We have to much in common it scares me. I'm very comfortable with him. If I don't hear from him, then I start to worry. When I do, I get so excited, I can't stop smiling. I know I need to get over it, cause he will never like someone like me, but I just love being around him. I'm only in the friend zone....
The thing is he's such a great guy. He treats me so well. Like last night, I was occupied and my roommate was changing out my laundry and I couldn't get my clothes, but I had one of my white shirts in it that needed to be hung up pronto. Fred volunteered to go get my laundry basket and take them up to my room. I did not ask him to hang up my shirt, but when I went up later it was hanging up. He is so sweet. I had a terrible week a couple of weeks ago and he just held me for a good while and didn't let go until I told him to let go, which wasn't very long (not touchy) but longer than normally with most people. And I liked it. I was sick last week and he came and gave me a blessing, and when I wasn't able to go to FHE cause I was still feeling sick, he came over just to be with me. I really like him.

I can't believe I'm blogging about this! He will never see this, BTW.

My roommate thinks I should tell him how I feel so I can start getting over it, or start dating him, if he wants. I just can't do that right now.
If you've read this whole rant, tell me what you think I should do... Advice is very welcome on the subject!!!


Danny said...

Jenny, this is Danny (Frost) - I hope you don't mind me commenting. From what you've written it sounds like he likes you. At least, he can't be oblivious to the fact that the things he is doing could be interpreted as an indication that he likes you. Him holding you while you are sick? Sounds like he likes you. Seeing you every day? Sounds like he likes you. Him giving you a blessing and then hanging out with you while you were sick? The blessing alone might not be enough to convince me he likes you, but the idea that he would hang out with you after wards, during FHE, while you were sick, makes me think he could like you.

I'm not sure what to say about him talking about other girls around you. He might just be doing it because he doesn't want you to think he's head over heals for you He may be interested, but not quite ready to jump in.

Jason & Sally Cook said...

I agree with Danny. Gorj, just because you've seen yourself in the friend zone so much, doesn't mean every guy thinks you're only in the friend zone. Maybe you are in the friend zone now, but some of the best relationships start out in the friend zone. Besides, from what I have heard, girls are the ones that don't realize their guy friends are interested... guys are friends with girls because there is at least enough interest to keep them coming around. That's one of the great things about most guys... they are genuine. Maybe he talks about other girls because he wants to talk to YOU and get to know YOU! I would say you should give it just a little more time and see how it blossoms. Give him a chance to see what a great catch you are before making him decide if he wants to change your status...
Love ya! I'm so proud of you for letting him hold you... you must REALLY like him!!

Anna said...

I was totally agreeing with Danny, then a bit of doubt came in my head when I talked to a single friend of mine living in Atlanta. She was telling me about how lots of boys around her are sort of Peter Pan-ish (won't grow up). They like relationships, at least the activities involved in them, but don't like to commit or go much further. You remember my older brother right? When he was in the ward, he had lots of girl friends that he would go visit and give extra time and attention to. He was a really good friend. It was clear between them thought that he didn't like them.

I'm not trying to throw a wet blanket on everything here. I still think his actions are in question. I would suggest that you ask him. A non emotional way to ask could be to state the facts, tell him what a rational person would conclude, then ask him if that is what is going on. Then you wait and let him answer. For example, "Over the past few weeks you've held me when I had a bad day, you went out of your way to hang up my laundry, and you skipped FHE when I was sick to spend time with me. I know that we are good friends, but some of these things make me thing you may have stronger feelings for me than friendship. Is that what is going on? (or Is that how you feel?)" DON'T MAKE EXCUSES FOR ASKING and DON'T BEAT AROUND THE BUSH. BE DIRECT. This way gives him a way to defend himself and explain if there is a need. After he explains, you could say that you don't mind his actions at all, but that you wanted to make sure that you were interpreting his actions correctly. I think this approach is respectful and will call for a straight answer without you really needing to get all emotional with him or changing the friendship. I don't know if you are worried about those things, but that would be what I was most worried about.

Anyway, you could also do what Sally said and wait for him. She is right about letting him see how amazing you are - YOU ARE AMAZING. If you are really interested in him, you need to be a bit vulnerable and make space for him on your shelf (of life). If there is no space for him, then it is hard for him to see himself there. I hope that makes sense. I've just always looked at girls in ways of how much space is on their shelf. If there is too much space then I guy feels like she is needy and backs off. It sounds to me like he is finding space on your shelf and enjoys filling it. My questions is, are you letting him? (Are you willing to let go of the fear that might push him out or not let him get close to you?

OK I could say more, but this is already too long and may be getting too personal for a public blog. I love you Jenny! You are an amazing girl. If this guys sees that then I like him already.

jenn said...

jenny- we have talked about him a would seem that we need to talk more. you know how i feel. call me! (:

Laughing Yet?

Laughing Yet?