Saturday, December 1, 2007

Did I make the right decision?

Hey all! I can't sleep, so I thought that I'd write a blog.

I've had a few big decisions to make in the past months and it's been hard to know if I'm even making the right decision.

One: I quit my job because of sewing wrong, which led to an incredibly weird pain in my left shoulder. (We came to find out that I had been sitting wrong for the entire year and a half that I had been working there. I was sewing with my left foot; I had right knee problems; and the machines are made for people using the right foot.)
So I started looking for a new job. But nothing was working out. I was beginning to get very frustrated.

Two: My Grandpa got in a wreck a few months ago and kindof gave up on life, so he needs constant care. It's been really hard on my parents, but they were pulling through great.

These two situations led me to believe that I should move down to Colorado and help my parents out. This decision seemed right and I felt good about it. So I needed to do two things: 1) Find someone to take my place in my apartment while I was in Colorado, & 2) Pack up and move to Colorado. Seems simple, right? Well, this began my whirlwind-of-terror.

I thought the Lord was pointing me in this direction. I had been praying about it, but I hadn't received an answer about any of it. So I took action and made a decision for myself.

Nothing could prepare me for the confusion that began.

At first it seemed that everything was working out for me to move to Colorado. I found someone to take my place in my apartment in Utah. I visited Colorado for a week and helped out with my Grandpa. My Dad said that I could get a job while I was down there, cause I was needed mostly at night, and a job opened up. I even told everyone that I was moving to Colorado.

Then I came back to Utah. I felt sick in my stomach, like something was wrong. I had dinner with some of my closest friends and I wanted to cry cause something was hurting me inside. ( was not gas!! My heart was hurting.) I then tried to contact the girl that was going to move in and she didn't call me back for three days. On the third day she finally called and said that she was going to stay where she was and couldn't take the place. I wanted to scream. How could this be happening? I had applied to rent a Uhaul truck so that I could take my stuff down to Colorado. Everything was falling through.

I didn't move any of my stuff down to Colorado, but I did go down for Thanksgiving. There I was able to be with my family. My nieces are so great and loving and they gave me lots of laughs that I feel I hadn't had for a few weeks.
You have to know that I love my Grandpa even though he swears at me and treats me like I'm his servant sometimes, but he forgets a lot. He's so frail and week. He legs are as thin as my arms. My emotions to need to help take care of him may have over powered the reason why I made the decision.
It was a hard Thanksgiving. I struggled. I had a long, tearful, talk with my Dad. I decided to come back to Utah and try to find a job and see if that was what I needed to do. Lots of tears, and prayers have followed.

I looked online again and started applying for jobs. I got an interview the Monday after Thanksgiving for a place in Lindon and went in and felt really good about it. The position is for an Office Manager. Two days later (this past Wednesday) I got the call that I got the job. Just like that.
One thing that happened right before Thanksgiving was that I got a letter from the Timpanogos temple to come in for an interview. I have been wanting to serve in the temple for 6 years now. But I didn't tell anyone that until I talked with my Dad after Thanksgiving.

So I made a decision and it wasn't the one that the Lord wanted me to do. I'm really glad that I've had so much help these past couple of months. I know that I am blessed more than I should be. I know that I've grown from this and that there were times when I wished it would all go away, but I stuck with it and now I know what I should be doing.

It's been a low point this last month and a half. I only hope that I can listen to the Spirit better in times to come.

You all rock. Thanks for all your help.


Anna said...

Sometimes I think that the Lord encourages you to go the wrong direction, just so that you are ready to go in the right direction when it comes. I am glad that you feel better about what you are doing now.

I am also excited about the temple serving thing. That is the BEST calling! It is such a blessing to serve there.

Rachel said...

You know, I had no clue you never actually moved, glad you decided to stick around. As for the spirit, I always thought I always seemed to have the spirit as a constant companion until the major life changing events. Even right now Juan and I are in life limbo and I'm like "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!" It's so hard but it seems through our trials and struggles we eventually get where we're supposed to. Glad you've found your place for now. Sorry to hear about your Grandpa, I hope you and your family can find comfort in the knowledge of the gospel at this time.

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